Executive Functioning & Independence: Building the Skills for Adult Life

Building the Skills for Adult Life

If I had a pound for every time a neurodivergent young person told me they were trying to be more organised but just kept “failing,” I’d have… well, enough to fund a lifetime supply of fidget tools. 

The truth is, executive functioning challenges aren’t about laziness, lack of willpower, or not trying hard enough. They’re about how the brain processes information, time, and decision-making. When someone struggles with organisation, time management, or self-regulation, it’s not because they’re careless, it’s because their brain isn’t wired to work the way society expects it to. 

So, let’s stop shaming young people for not fitting into neurotypical expectations and instead focus on strategies that actually work for neurodivergent minds. 

What Is Executive Functioning, and Why Does It Matter? 

Executive functioning is like the brain’s “management system.” It helps us: 

• Plan & prioritise (deciding what needs to be done first) 

• Initiate tasks (getting started, rather than endlessly procrastinating) 

• Regulate attention & emotions (staying focused and managing frustration) 

• Remember & follow through (keeping track of deadlines, appointments, and commitments) 

• Shift between tasks (switching gears without getting stuck or overwhelmed) 

For neurodivergent young people, especially those with ADHD or autism these skills don’t develop at the same rate as their peers. That doesn’t mean they won’t develop, but it does mean they might need different tools and a more compassionate approach to getting things done. 

Building Executive Functioning Skills: Practical Strategies That Work.

 

1️. Time Management: Working With, Not Against, Time Blindness 

One of the biggest challenges neurodivergent young adults face is time blindness the difficulty in sensing how much time has passed, how long things take, or how soon a deadline is approaching. This can make things like paying bills, attending appointments, or even just remembering to eat incredibly difficult. 

• Make time visible → Use visual timers, alarms, or digital countdown apps to externalise time. Time isn’t felt—it needs to be seen. 

• Think in “now” and “not now” → Instead of saying “I’ll do this later,” create a fixed time in your day. If it’s not scheduled, your brain might not register it as real. 

• Use reverse planning → Instead of thinking, “I have a week to do this,” break it down: What needs to be done the day before? What needs to be done three days before? Chunking time makes deadlines feel more manageable. 

2️. Organisation: Externalising Memory So Your Brain Doesn’t Have To.

Neurodivergent brains aren’t great at holding information in working memory, which means trying to remember everything is a losing battle. Instead of relying on willpower, create external systems that do the heavy lifting for you. 

• Use a second brain → Whether it’s a digital task manager (Notion, Google Calendar, or a simple reminders app) or a physical whiteboard, get things out of your head and into a system you can trust. 

• Body doubling for accountability → Doing a task while someone else is present—even virtually—can make it easier to start and stay on track. 

• Use a “Done List” instead of a To-Do List → A traditional to-do list can feel overwhelming. Try writing down what you’ve completed instead—it builds momentum and motivation. 

 

3️. Self-Regulation: Managing Emotional Overload & Avoidance 

For many neurodivergent young adults, emotions and tasks are tightly linked. If something feels overwhelming, boring, or too effortful, the brain will actively resist doing it. This isn’t about being difficult it’s about how motivation and dopamine function differently in neurodivergent brains. 

• Lower the barrier to entry → If starting feels impossible, make it stupidly easy: “I’ll just open the document,” “I’ll just put on my shoes,” “I’ll just write one sentence.” Momentum builds from there. 

• Use movement to reset → If you feel stuck, do something physical jump, stretch, shake out the tension. Your brain shifts when your body moves. 

• Self-talk like a coach, not a critic → Instead of, “Why can’t I just do this?”, try, “This is hard for me. What’s one thing I can do to make it easier?” Compassion, not shame, moves things forward. 

 

4️. Daily Responsibilities: Creating Routines That Stick 

There’s a reason neurodivergent people struggle with self-care, cooking, or cleaning it’s not because they don’t care. It’s because these things often require a level of energy, planning, and working memory that gets depleted by other demands. 

• Pair tasks with existing habits → If you already check your phone in the morning, place your medication next to it. If you make coffee every day, use that time to also take a vitamin or drink water. 

• Make boring tasks fun → Cleaning while listening to music, cooking with a video playing, or using a gamified app for habit tracking can help engage the brain. 

• Create “low effort” versions of tasks → Have pre-prepped meals for when cooking is too much. Use disposable plates when dishes feel overwhelming. Keep backup hygiene supplies in multiple places to reduce friction. 

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone 

Executive functioning struggles can make young people feel like they’re failing at adulthood before they even get started. But independence isn’t about doing everything alone, it’s about creating the right supports so life feels more manageable.